the year of growth
the golden hour: ray #12 ☀️
7.2.24
☾ Waning Crescent in Gemini
Starry Night 66º in Boston
11:31p
Every so often I get the urge to write a really vulnerable piece so it’s understood my life is not always rainbows and butterflies. I think life would be rather boring if it were…
But, today I woke up in a not-so-great mood, as if the day was designed for me to hunker down in my feelings and get to the root of why. (With Saturn, Neptune, and Pluto in Retrograde, I believe it was.)
Instead of wallowing in my feelings all day, I wallowed in them for half the day and then decided to journal about it.
Back on January 1st, 2024, I journaled about what the year 2024 would bring for me (a year of growth) and gave gratitude for the year past. Seven months in, the universe has been providing on the growth aspect so freakin much I feel like I’m in a video game, gaining victory in each battle with tears, introspection, and a smidge of grace.
I don’t know what it is about these pieces I wrote, but I feel like posting them as ray #12’s golden hour: maybe they’ll help someone else going through similar things. After all, life is not as lonely as we think…
Below I’ll post the January 1st journal entry, along with today’s entry, though today’s will be behind a paywall as I’m still getting used to being vulnerable. Especially publicly.
May it touch your heart in ways that’s needed.
Sunnily ☀️,
Eb
☾: “take time listening to others; all kinds of communication may come to the fore…”
Journal Entry: January 1st, 2024
The first day of the new year. 2024! The year of growth.
2023 was a year of lessons, maturity, and realizing what I want in my life and future. 2023 was the year of trials and tribulations, leading into 2024 of growth and vigor.
2023 put me to the test, and like Zelda, I’m battling the trials and leveling up.
My spirit animals for the year are the Wolf, the Camel, and the Whale.
The Wolf is my spirit animal in life. Confident in the path she walks of wisdom and leadership. Leading her pack to love, peace, and success. She’s the driver of truth and is confident in the face of fear. She is me.
The Camel is my spirit animal in business. She knows and trusts not only herself, but the path she’s on. She’s got the mindful resources and the spiritual guidance with her with every step. Leisurely walking the path of the light. She is me.
The Whale is my spirit animal in love and relationships. She expresses herself beautifully and goes deep in the name of passion and love. Her feminine energy is bright and balanced with her male counterpart, dancing in sync to the beat of their own drum. Her love is met with compassion and protection; her communication is met with honesty and loyalty; her givings are met with respect and reciprocity. She is me.
Thank you for this past year of life. Thank you for the strength, the wisdom, the love, and beautiful gifts. I go into 2024 with the heart and mind of strength, of peace, of creative expression, of joy, of passion, and of wild curiosity.
Universe, in all your beauty and extravagance, I ask that you show me how amazingly, magically wonderful life will be in the next 365 days.
Thank you,
Eb <3
Journal Entry: July 2nd, 2024
Cheers to a year of growth, huh?
So many lessons falling into my lap, the universe is like “here, here, here! You got this! <3”
She’s right. I do got this.
The insecurities have been hitting me hard today. The insecurities I’ve been carrying for two decades at this point.
(Which is fucking crazy because Jason’s FreedomWorks newsletter spoke about exactly that: letting go of what happened to me when I was around 7yrs old.)
Rejection…
Feeling unwanted/unloved…
Feeling ugly…
Loss of innocence too soon in my opinion. Today I learned my motivator is “innocence”, so to feel like I lost that at such a young age is insane.
I gave away my power so young, but man have I been taking it back: walking away from disloyalty and disrespect; refusing to let doubt and fear rule my life; trusting my intuition and choosing to love who I am; doing what I love to do and being proud to do it.
I’m taking my innocence back.
I’ve taken my power back.
Pluto Retrograde is saying death to what’s holding me back, and I agree.
Pluto in Aquarius is saying acknowledge and give rise to my power, and I am.
Leo is saying integrate and balance my power, and I am.
Saturn Retrograde is saying to stay focused and diligent, not only on my healing path, but on my internal growth as well, and I am.
We’re running this back and starting over with these Retrogrades.
I got this. <3